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October 28th, 2005

04:38 am: Unreal
I cannot believe what I did yesterday and I do not know what possessed me to do it. I went over Tim's house and went inside, ignoring Jen's request not to. He gave me the tour of the house and put my laundry into the dryer. We played with the cats for a lil while then I said I needed to get a shower before we go. He said he needed one too so we both took one. Well she was not there at the time and she came home while we were still in the shower. *%^#*@#!! All hell broke loose and she called the cops. By the time all this happened she was one physco bitch. She shoved him to get to me and she shoved me. It took all I could not to kill her. Anywho, we spent the night out on the lake in his truck because she did not want him at home. All in all it was pretty amusing but I know that all I did was stir up a hornet's nest. I did not acomplish anything by going there. I do not know what is possessing me to do these things, because its not like me to. I dunno, perhaps I need to back off like Gwee and Hod have told me to do. I am so stupid at times!!!!

Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated

October 19th, 2005

09:31 am: Random Rant
The past week or so have been blah to me. The ups and downs of Tim and I have been really stressing but I have managed and dealt with it. Gwee is going through alot and my heart goes out to her in whatever desision she makes. Hod is sick, I am sick, Tim is sick and we are all miserable. October 15 Tim presented me with a promise ring, that I am currently wearing. Its really beautiful. I think I am in love once again. I never thought it would happen again after Paladin and I. Its been so long and I believe I have finally found someone I can be with for a long time. Jen came to the house a few days ago bitching at Tim and shit and Mom came out to tell her to leave. This was at 7:30pm or so. When she didn't leave mom told her that she was going to call the cops. Jen said go ahead and threatened my mom. If I was outside I would have punched the shit out of her. Anywho she left right before the cops got there and because she was not around they could not do anything. So now Tim is not allowed over the house at all until the divorce is is final. It really really sucks. But I have his pillow and he has mine. I also have his Bright House jacket. Work has been great. I was one of three people to get a raise. It was only 25 cents but I was the only one on night shift to get a raise, so I guess I am doing something right. Its close to my time of the month and I am PMSing so damn bad. I keep snipping at everyone I talk to and I do not mean to. I have had chocolate today so I am getting a lil more happy. Anywho I think I will stop here for now so I can cook my breakfast... Sketti!

Chow!

Current Mood: thoughtfulgrouchy
Current Music: Paul Simon - Slip Slidin` Away

October 7th, 2005

08:49 pm: weekend
My weekend is going ok I guess, considering a few minor bumps and scrapes. For one I have been sleeping 13+ hours Wed - Fri. I do not know why. And tonight I found out that Tim's ex is playing pranks on me, saying that he has a kid from a relationship a while ago. According to him, this relationship was 4 years ago and she said the kid was 5. The numbers do not add up. If it was his, the child would be 3 - 3 1/2 NOT 5. Anywho, I am going to be letting it slide off my back for now and not let it get to me. Whatever he did in the past is of no concern to me as long as its not brought up in the future and it does not involve me. Anywho, other then that, its been alright. I am a lil depressed and downhearted from all this but I will deal with it. There are just some things that are not adding up and I am not liking it too much. blargh!!!

Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Sarah McLachlan - Angel

October 3rd, 2005

06:46 pm: *sigh*
The past few days have been a rollercoaster for me. Things with Tim are not all that great and we had another death at work. She was my favorite person out of all the people there. I cried like a little child when I found out.

Tim and I are not doing too good. It frustrates me that he is still so nice to Jen and is still letting her stay there. I cannot go over there and lately he will not be coming over. I dunno perhaps its for the best of us. It will give us each a chance to actually miss each other.

On a good note though, I finally got my a/c installed even though I had to put a hole into the window that was already there. The a/c was an eighth of an inch too big for the window. I was so pissed off. Anywho, its now really cold in here and I actually slept through the day instead of waking up at 3.

Welp that is all for now I guess. Hopefully things will work out in the end.

Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: The Livid - Sink

September 28th, 2005

10:53 pm: Update
well just a lil update on how things are going. I have a really bad friggin headache and Tim is sleeping on me and its only 11pm. True he has work in the morn but stil. He came over and went right to bed. That is not fair. Mom gave us two sandwiches which was nice of her. She also sent over three beers for him. I dun drink it. Nasty shit. Anywho. I am getting a cold and it really sucks because I am so congested. I am waiting for the zyrtec to kick in so I can sleep tonight. I dun think I will be sleeping though because I have a huge mug of starbucks coffee sitting beside me. Oh well. Nothing else is really happening tonight. Its kinda a boring night. I am waiting for work to call me in, which I will not answer :P *sneezes and blows nose* Damn thing. Anywho he is awake and I am going to get going. I love you all and hopefully I will start getting *pauses to pet Xander* more active in my RPG and network. NIGHT!

Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: Pure Moods IV
07:48 am: Weekend

Last night was not as bad as the night before but it was still blah. The night went by without any incident and the morn was fast paced as usual. We had a meeting with the DON and that was alright. It did not pertain to me so I was fine. My head nurse was not mad or anything and she said she was sorry on treating me like she did. I guess my emotions got the best of me... its getting close to my time of the month anyways.... joyful. I hate being female sometimes...

Tim will be spending the next two nights with me then Satuday and Sunday he will be spending the days with me. On Saturday mom invited him over to have a bbq with her boyfriend and her. I thought that was really nice because it shows that she has accepted him and the situation. She doesn't like that he is still married but at least he is doing something about it and not just having a mistress.

Hopefully I get another ac today. Its been so damn hot in my place its not funny. Its colder outside during the day then it is inside. That is pretty pathetic. I have to clean the house sometime soon too. I dun wanna. Cleaning sucks. I have to do dishes and laundry too. Blah.

Anywho I am gonna get some sleep before I pass out at the kb.

On a side note: Gwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL! Love ya all!!!



Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Dj Spaz - Equinox

September 27th, 2005

02:12 pm: Well I almost quit my job today. The stress is not worth the mear pennies I am getting at this dead end job. Who knows I just might quit. I need to find another one before I do though. My head nurse and I just are not compatible with each other and no matter what I do I am NEVER good enough in her eyes. I can do no right. She tells me to do one thing and then turns around and tells me to do the complete opposite. I do not understand.

My stress level is at its all time high. The person that I am currently seeing is going through a divorce and then we will be moving up to Liverpool NY around Aprilish. I have three dogs and I am only allowed two where we are staying. That means that we have to get seeprate places and he takes Xander, my lab. I will be living with my best friend anyways. I guess it works out. But the stress of leaving mom and my sister, and traveling with the dogs and going to a new place where I have never met anyone is really frightening.

My network is basically dead. No one really comes around anymore. My bots are down, my web servers are down and I have nothing else to do online besides talk to the few people that I do. And lately even that is rare. I have too much going on in my life to sit on my fat ass and stare at a computer screen.

The question is, what AM I going to do with me life?

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Creed - Don't Stop Dancing

July 22nd, 2005

12:56 pm: Rage
The past 24 hours have been hell for me. Past memories dug up, painful thoughts raging through my head. Things were said to one I care for and I regret them. He cares about me and I lashed. He doesn't understand that he ripped up all the wounds I have been trying to heal over the past few years. He doesn't understand why. Thoughts I buried long ago to try and forget the pain, and anything that has anything to do with it kills me. I have tried to forgive and forget but its hard to...

Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go...

*sighs*

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

Current Mood: depressedHurting
Current Music: Finger Eleven - One Thing

April 7th, 2005

10:14 am: First Entry..
Well, this is ging to be my first and last entry. If you want to know more about me, head to www.9ballwolf.com If you like wolves, head to www.druidswolfpack.com If you like IRC go to irc.sacredforest.com

Got all that?

Good.

Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Scottish Moors
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